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I Don't Talk...  People wonder why I don't talk.
I don't talk because every time it turns into a pissing match.
I don't talk because they hate me.
I don't talk because they don't understand.
I don't talk because I'm worthless.
I don't talk because I have nothing to live for.
I don't talk because it never comes out right.
I don't talk because I'm a screw up.
I don't talk because I'm not perfect.
I don't talk because I'm nothing.
I don't talk because I'm queer.
I don't talk because
                 I
                    AM
                        VOICELESS.  
Black Is The ColorI seek out the darkness
It is the only place that I can feel

I feel reality bending
It bends at will

Dry sharks are biting
Their gills are stitched shut
They gasp

In between bites of flesh
And torn ligaments

The blood is what I love
I like the way it glows

It shows that life is still worth living
It knows  

I like the feel of pain
Stretching my resistance

I like tattooed skin and needles
Little drops of life

And burned bodies
From the sun

I like the heat of summer
And the sweat it leaves behind

I like the smell of gasoline
And sniff it when I drive

I like fire
The way that it eats hungrily
Whatever is
Night FlutterFluffy chicks with claws and teeth
Arrest the soul from underneath,
Selecting options on a dare
And on our own we say a prayer.
Creeping through the night with vision
Bright of eye and dark ambition,
Soft of down and barbs a gleaming
The gentleness of death undreaming.
Sucking shadows of velvet night
Draw upon the beggars plight
And like the chicks with claws and teeth
Drag the soul down underneath.
Visiting the lands of fey
To seek some colour in the grey
Return again from night sojourn
So much is lost of what we learn.
Contradictions It feels as if I'm drowning,

 breathing, without breathing.

It feels as if I'm falling,

falling, from nothing.

It feels as if I'm bleeding,

bleeding, without wounds.

It feels as if I'm sleeping,

sleeping without rest.

It feels as if I'm crying,

crying, without tears.

It feels as if I'm living,

living, without life.

It feels as if I'm dying,

dying, without death.

It feels as if I'm done.

Done, without relief.
Pushed Me Over -TRIGGERINGSo I ate a bit. Not because I was hungry
Or wanted to,
But because my stomach wouldn't stop complaining.
And I was really sick of everything screaming.

The box in the kitchen popped and echoed like gun shots.
If only they were gunshots.
Maybe one would miss and hit me in the head
Or the heart and stop this throbbing, aching madness.
It would satisfy the craving for blood to say the least.
So much blood. All the blood; pouring out in a choir of charismic, deathly passion.
Beautiful.

Animals are killed constantly for no reason.
Murder. If we are animals, and homicide is murder,
Killing them is murder too. But humans are ignorant
It killed her slowly insideThe climb back up.
She achieves alone.
She has grown.
Feels fucked up.
When she gets back home.
She always had to do it on her own.
Now she wants to forget.
All alone.
In her head.
Don’t look back.
Memories fade away.
So will her existence.
She feels no dismay.
Needs no one, no assistance.
In a life with her knife.
Doesn’t want to.
But she can survive.
She’ll be brave.
Till some people say goodbye
When she lies in her grave.
It killed her slowly inside.
No one heard it when she cried.
---
Yes, indeed, I feel miserable.
Who doesn't? Once in a while...
I don't even know what I wrote. I know some parts rhyme.
HallucinationsSometimes I fear to wake up in the new morning
'cuz I don't feel myself as alive as I should.

Sometimes I fear to fall asleep in the nights
'cuz I'm paranoinding.

Hallucinations are killing my mind.
They're making me crazy.
Then I'd want to die but I'm still here and
living with them while I fear them.
I just must to learn life with them.
It's hard but I've to force myself to do it.
It's better.
ChaosI know every word hurts inside,
I'm so close to say goodbye.
I tried so hard to find my home,
All we have left is fight our war.

I've gone through this, I belong to here,
Where I was a stranger in my own dream.
Tried to find my face in the real life,
Lost everything in the fields of scars.

I knew the ugly truth all the way,
Scared to open my eyes and awake.
The borders are slowly vanishing,
While I'm thinking about all my sh*t.

There are no colours in the world,
We forget about the true words.
The sun doesn't warms us anymore,
There isn't a thing I would live for.

I searched for a f*cking thing that worths for living,
Did my
Why We Have Teeth Why We Have Teeth

To rip and to slice, cut and tear,
Minor redemption as they all stare.
Chew and eviscerate the flesh you hate,
Becoming something raw, into a new state.

Escape the weaknesses, gaping and obvious,
Sink into the darkness, they're oblivious.
Mask the pain with a viel of self-deception,
Become a thorn in their side, no exception.

Let them break the walls, build them up stronger,
Besides, you'll not be here much longer.
Unfurl your furious dark wings and fly,
Accept you're wrong as you fall and die.
The scars on the skinShining silver, clean cut edge.
Dragging it slightly over my finger,
Pricking it at the end.

I know I'm going to do it again.
But I can't help it,
It takes away the emotional pain.

In my room away from the watchers eyes.
I slice through my flesh without emotion,
Watching the blood exit the wound.

I do this again and again.
Going over new and old ones,
I can't stop yet, the time is wrong.

I finally stop after I feel no emotion.
I only feel pain physically,
I knew it was the time to stop.

Looking at my body.
I finally see what I have done,
All the scars on the skin.
My First CutThis room has become my hell. Too much has occurred in this bathroom- me curled up on the floor sobbing, my body bent over the toilet gagging at the overwhelming emotions or even my blood dripping on the floor. I sit on the floor- my usual spot- and twirl the blade in my fingers, thinking about the consequences. Though no matter how much I look at it, I see no wrong, this can only hurt myself right?

I take the blade and press it to my wrist, inhale deeply and hold it. I then run the blade across my wrist pulling it at an agonizingly slow pace. I can already feel my muscle relax- my first cut. I can't help to feel some satisfaction with this.
Red Stain Of BloodRed Stain Of Blood

Red is old
And warm like noon
Yet it is cold
Between Pink and Maroon
Stare at the blood on the strings
Stained red on my wings

Red is like Blood
Dripping slowly, covering a blade
Attached to a thin line of string
That is where the heart is on the line

Red is content with
Nothing at all, wanting, waiting,
Slit the skin while hating

Red is a sad heart
Thumping slowly on a rainy day
Screaming more than you want to say
Hearts can't soar
Cuts are so deep almost to the core

Darker than pink with
Hard, warm, delight
Breathing through the edge of light
Red is hot but cold
With no true opinion
Red tastes li
A Girl Named AnaI sat beside her every day of class for a year yet I knew nothing about her. Scarlet Jones never smiled and I often caught her wiping tears from her eyes. I thought of her as a freak, I never asked if she was okay and maybe I should have. I didn't ever think I was selfish until she was gone for a month.

She returned but still never smiled and instead of wiping tears from her eyes she brushed them off her cheeks. I stopped her in the hallway one day and asked if she was okay. She only shook her head, her eyes filled with pain.

She didn't say anything for a few moments only pulled up her sleeves revealing her scarred wrists. The worst ones by
Smile, Smile, My Darlingthe breath left your lips like the lies left your tongue
you knew it was coming, you're just too high strung.

so if we must say goodbye to the dead in a box,
let it be said that i also said hello at first, and death's too hard to stop.

i guess life is worth a shot, when life is all you've got,
but if you've got nothing you've still got me.

i guess there's no reason to stop, when there was nothing left to drop
but you dropped all your caring and now can't open your eyes to see.

so i'd ask you to smile if you weren't already passed it.
and i'd ask you to try if you could draw a breath.
but babe your smiling days are over and so are y
Getting OutHer hand reached for my leg.
And before she could grab me,
I brought my foot down
Hard on her fingers.

She screamed, as her bones
Made the shattering sound
I've become so familiar with.
She fell off the ledge as she let go.

I knew death was
Greeting her now
As I took another step
Forward up the suspended path.
My road to light.

I would make it out of here.
I won't let anything stop me
I can't help carry anyone
No, I can barely hold myself up now.

I swing another broken girl off me
She crashes to the slopping ground.
Then begs for me to help her out.
I have to run away from her pleas.
I'll collapse under any extra weight
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More from ~VampObsessed

6 Year DanceWe started this dance so many years ago,
losing ourselves in the steps.
It was an amazing feeling with you as my partner,
no worries clouded my mind as you spun me around.

This new and exciting routine,
we had never danced before.
So scary on that big dance floor,
dancing this dance we had created.

You were strong and reliable,
always capable of leading me around.
We made an excellent couple,
our footwork more than text book perfect.

There was an air of arrogance about you,
like you knew how amazing you were.
I never questioned your direction,
everything I learned I was taught by you.

Nothing was new to you, you knew everythin
4-A Granddaughter's Love
I've loved you from the beginning and I will until the end,
Before it was supposed to be and after it's supposed to be gone.

You'll never be forgotten and you'll forever be within in my mind,
There's a special place in my heart that will always be just for you.

The memories we share are etched within me never to be erased,
Nothing will break the bond deep within us both.

I want you to know that I care for you,
And I try my hardest to come and visit you.

The respect I hold for you is one of the strongest feelings I have,
Everything you've ever said and done for me is a huge appreciation.

I remember all of the times we've spent togeth
MineStay out of my head,
get out of my way.
Leave me alone,
Just let me be!

This is my life,
my heart and love.
These are my heartaches,
my mistakes and my regrets.

You have your own life,
you don't need mine.
So go ruin your own,
and leave mine alone!

I need to live for myself,
not for pleasing you.
I need to focus on me,
not rely on you.

It's time to grow up,
and time to move on.
It's time to walk out,
and time to stay gone!

~Ashley Tia Long~
Addiction
Get out of my head,
and out of my blood.
Get out of my heart,
and out of my life.
Just get out!
Get out!
Get out!

You're my addiction,
my drug of choice.
I love how you make me feel,
how you taste and the way you look.
You seduce me with far out dreams,
of broken promises you can't keep.
You promise it will all change,
if I just keep coming around.
But the deceit is overpowering the craving,
and I'm beginning to see through the lies.

You're my addiction,
my drug of choice.
But now I realize how broke I really am,
and the price is just too high.
You offer me free tastes,
but they'll begin to cost in the end.
I guess I'm

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January 24, 2012
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Recurrent Depressive Disorder

:iconvampobsessed:

I have to wake up this morning,
But it's hard to make my body work.
It's not easy to live in mourning,
In all of this world's murk.

I have in my hand a gun,
With a trigger I must not pull.
When there is not a ray of sun,
It's hard to not blow away my skull.

Nobody here to help me get by,
Nobody here to help me through.
It's hard to continue to try,
When nothing in this life is true.

People expect so much of me,
To be so perfect and happy.
Why can't they just see,
That I'm beyond unhappy?

I want them to go away,
All of these people so bothersome.
It's here that I don't want to stay,
And invisible that I want to become.

It's no one's fault really,
I just got dealt a bad hand.
This world is filthy,
And my life I can't stand.

There's no reason for the way I feel,
No reason why I hate life.
It's just so boring, so unreal,
So easy to end with the blade of a knife.

I don't need anyone else,
It's easier when I'm alone.
No more bruises or welts,
Invulnerable to sticks and stones.

Everything's a bore, I feel nothing anymore,
Not happiness, sadness, or anger.
There's nothing in life left to live for;
No reason to continue in this body of a stranger.

But here I am waking up today,
Against my better judgment.
I'm not sure how I can keep going this way,
To live this life without commitment.

Either way, I'm still not dead,
But I guess that it doesn't matter.
I feel indifferent to life's end,
Or the continuation of this dull chatter.

Why do I not care?
About anything or anyone?
How is any of this fair?
Why can't I just be done?!

The sun still isn't shining,
But I still feel empty inside.
It's so gloomy, I should be crying;
Instead I'll just go back to bed in stride.

Perhaps one day I will be recovered,
Able to feel once more.
But it's hard to want that life rediscovered,
When that life is such a bore.

~Ashley Tia Long~
:iconvampobsessed:
This is fourth of the series I'm working on titled: 'Misunderstood Disorders: A Look Into Mental Health'

This particular poem is an in depth first hand account of someone suffering from Recurrent Depressive Disorder more commonly known as Major Depression. Depression is one of the most commonly misunderstood disorders out there. Not everyone wants to just kill themselves because life's too hard. That isn't what depression is. Depression is the change in one's mood, usually to a numb state of not caring. Someone suffering from Depression is likely to not care what happens to them 'good or bad' and they have no will to live their life. There's nothing interesting, everything is boring, dull, no reason to continue.

My goal is to help anyone who feels alone with this disorder or any others I write about. I have dealt with all of these myself and know how hard it can be.

Depression can actually be more correctly defined as having 'no emotion'.
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:iconfallingasleeptonight:
*FallingAsleepTonight Apr 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Now this is something I can relate to, though I tended to act out and become a fake extrovert instead of close in. Still a powerful piece tough :)
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:iconvampobsessed:
~VampObsessed Apr 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yea, sometimes depression can do that, have a slightly opposite effect in the sense that one acts out instead. This poem was mainly how I feel sometimes and to emphasize the fact that a lot of the times, we're not mad, or angry, or sad, we just don't care.

Thank you very much!
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:iconi-heart-ran-chan:
!i-hEaRt-RaN-cHaN Jan 24, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No emotions is pretty tough :/
You do things to just find a way to feel SOMETHING
Man I hated that
Despite everything and it lasting for years, it finally "went away"
I have my days now and then but emotions are so much better than nothingness
IMO at least
Reply
:iconvampobsessed:
~VampObsessed Jan 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, I've had my struggles, but I'm starting to feel again. They may not always be happy feelings, but they're something. :) I never want to be numb again. I'm glad you're starting to feel better.
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:iconi-heart-ran-chan:
!i-hEaRt-RaN-cHaN Jan 26, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thank you and i'm happy for you as well (:
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